By Vicki Lamb
It is one thing to care deeply for sick people and watch them go through differing emotions. It's another thing to be the one with the appointment and the one with the roller coaster of emotions. That is me now. I had my first appointment and I have a day to wait for my first test. As the doctor was talking I felt like I was in a far off room and her voice a distant sound. In my mind I am thinking... the worst case scenario and feeling hopeless. I want the doctor to be warm and fuzzy and she is not. My husband is more hopeful and hears something entirely different. So goes the part about being the one with something and the caring, loving one without anything. As a hospice volunteer this is giving me a whole new perspective. I am very tearful and I am thinking about all the precious people that I have been honored to be a part of their journey. I also feel convicted that I am thinking that I don't want to be. I know they did not want to be either. We do not get to choose. What I do know is that Jesus is going before me and is walking beside me. He completely understands me. This gives me comfort and peace, although sometimes I can't feel Him but I know that He is here with me. That never changes even as my feelings are all over the board. God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. I long for his compassion and healing. I'll let you know how it's going and tell you my story.^
